Thedewsperspective

Written by Cornell Dews

Have you ever been humbled by GOD?  Can you recall how humbling the experience of being humbled was?  How long did your humbling take before GOD said, “I believe you understand now who’s in control”?  I was humbled by GOD when I blatantly forgot who I was and what I was called to do.  As a matter of fact, I can honestly say that I disregarded what I knew to be right and selfishly made decisions that for years not only impacted me but impacted everyone that was entrusted to me.  And for that, I offer my sincerest of apologies.

Have you ever been humbled by GOD?  I started teaching at the Baltimore City Detention Center School #370 in 1999.  While there I taught juveniles ages 14-17 who’d been charged as adults and were awaiting trial.  However, it was still mandatory they received “free” education.  Two years later, I was hired to teach at Furman L. Templeton Elementary School in West Baltimore where I was really learning to become an Educator, working with elementary school aged students.  In a short span in my professional career, I went from being threatened to be placed on a performance improvement plan at School #370, to becoming a “king” in my own mind at Furman L. Templeton Elementary School.  King, I said.  Henceforth, the beginning of a brutal humbling by GOD.

My first couple of months at Furman were tumultuous. I wasn’t certain if I would make it.  I didn’t have a clue what I was doing.  Kids were doing whatever they wanted to do in my class.  And I truly mean, whatever they wanted to do.  In the beginning, my class was so chaotic that my lack of classroom management was impeding the learning of the classrooms who occupied the same hallway as me.  I remember one day, a veteran teacher walked into my classroom to calm the ruckus.  She asked me to go into her classroom as she spoke with my students.  As soon as I walked into her classroom a student uttered, “I don’t know what he over here for, he can’t control his own classroom.”  I was like damn.  And these were first and second graders.  I forgot to tell yall that I was the fourth or fifth teacher to work with my assigned class and I started the second week of October.  I know it’s going to sound like I’m lying, but when I first occupied the classroom and was cleaning out the cabinets, I found a purse.  I like to jokingly say it was the purse of the teacher I replaced who got out of there so fast she left her personal belongings behind.

Man, when I tell you it was tough, that’s an understatement.  Then a few things transpired in my first few months that made all the difference.  In addition to the fact that I was being led and taught by wonderful educational leaders at Furman, GOD assigned me an Angel in the form of my Teacher Aide, whom I’ve always respectfully referred to as my equal in the classroom, Ms. Earlene Brown.  Something else transpired that helped me better understand my position in the classroom.  A parent, who’d become family to me, noticed me focusing the bulk of my attention and energy on the kids who were off task, rather than focusing my attention and energy on the many students who were on task.  She advised me that I would ultimately lose the attention of the majority because they too want attention.   Once they realize that they could get my attention for being off task rather than being on task, they’ll do just that.  It was then I learned that children don’t differentiate getting attention for doing the right or wrong things.  Attention is attention to them.  And the last thing that I can honestly say made all the difference in me, at that time in my growth & development, was my Pastor, at the new church we had recently joined, called me every day before I went to work, at 5:30am to pray for me.  He prayed for me and my students.  With all those things transpiring, and me understanding at the time, what GOD had commissioned me to do, you know I excelled at what I was called to do.  So, what happened Cornell?

Have you ever been humbled by GOD?  In a matter of a few short years at Furman L. Templeton Elementary School in West Baltimore, in my mind, I became a “king.”  Because of my professional growth and development, and I’d like to think, my moral competence, the Principal at the time, Ms. Randall (Dr. Perry), tapped me to lead an all boy’s class.  These were young men who had great potential, very intelligent and capable, but their behavior and lack of focus could potentially derail the bright futures they could have.  So, Ms. Randall (Dr. Perry) said, “Mr. Dews, I want you to lead these young men.”  Then she and the families of those young men entrusted them to me.  At the time, I was gracious and humbled.  And for three years, as a collective, we did some wonderful things with and for those young men.  But you know what success bring?  Attention and opportunity.  And if you’re not anchored in the work with true understanding of your purpose, you’ll begin to drink the kool aid.  You’ll begin to believe that these things are happening because of you.  Not despite you, but because of you.  Let me show you how crazy I am.  The paragraph above this one, I blatantly shared with you where my blessings came from.  So, I knew.  Nevertheless, I “forgot” and begin to think our successes were based solely on me.  GOD forgive me.

Have you ever been humbled by GOD?  My classroom was featured in a few newspaper and internet articles written by Baltimore journalist Mr. Gregory Kane.  Mr. Kane, before his passing, would even come to my classroom and play chess with my boys.  He took a liking to me and my boys because he was a product of the same community.  I even ended up on talk radio at WEAA 88.9fm, The Front Page with Craig Thompson.  Initially Mr. Thompson was just gracious enough to allow me to sit in the studio with him when he did his show.  That eventually led to him asking me to host his show when his schedule wouldn’t allow him to.  I was also on the news leading a “Stop Lying” campaign trying to discourage people from misleading our youth.  I must also shamefully admit that I was even on the radio rapping. Who am I kidding?  I wasn’t ashamed of it.  I asked radio personality Squirrel Wyde to sign me up to do it.  All I wanted to do was scream MIOTI on the radio.  MIOTI is my entrepreneurial dream.  An acronym for Make It Or Take It.  I would screenprint or embroider it on wearable pieces.  Then I’d also throw events such as parties and trips under its umbrella.  Boy I was him, let me tell it. 

Have you ever been humbled by GOD?  Then one day, amongst everything I was accomplishing, my Principal, Ms. Randall (Dr. Perry) was handing out bonuses.  I received a bonus, but it was far less than what I was accustomed to receiving.  Far less.  When she handed it to me, she shrugged her shoulders and said, “I wanted to give you more, but you won’t do what you need you to do.”  She was referencing that I wouldn’t take the necessary courses I needed to obtain my teacher certification.  Yeah, I was doing great things in the classroom.  But I wasn’t certified.  And under the No Child Left Behind Legislation you couldn’t be considered a highly qualified educator unless you were certified in the content area you held your degree in and were teaching.  The sad part, on my part, is they were even willing to pay for my coursework.  I told the Principal “I don’t need to take these classes.  If anything, I need to teach these classes.”  Man, did I ask yall, “have you ever been humbled by GOD”?  This was the beginning of when GOD said, “apparently self-correction doesn’t work for Cornell.  So now I’m going to have to intervene.”

This was in the winter of 2005/2006. I was feeling myself.  Or as my grandma would say, I was starting to “smell” myself.  Unbeknownst to me, figuratively speaking, I had my whole head between my legs.  Now that’s an awful sight to envision, but I’m trying to make a strong point here.  I was so far gone that I was about to make the dumbest decision I ever made in my life.  I arranged for a meeting with my Principal to tell her that I was going to resign.  WTF?  I didn’t talk this over with anybody.  I told my wife what I was going to do.  Yup, you read it correctly.  I told her.  I didn’t even discuss it with her.  I then went to my parent’s house and told my mother what I was getting ready to do.  My wife was probably just tired of me at the time, she hollered out, “look, as long as you have your portion of our expenses, I don’t care what you do.”  Years later she would admit that’s not how she truly felt, nor was it what she honestly wanted to say.  But she and I both know that it wouldn’t have made a difference.  My mind was made up.  I was a “king.”  A self-appointed “king” with no throne, or territory to rule over.  A “king” of one and a ruler of none.   And all of this because I’m mad and in my feelings because they asked me to take care of my professional obligations so I can maintain my job.  They must’ve been crazy.  My mother damn near pleaded with me.  “Man, please don’t quit your job.”  “We ain’t got nothing to help you with.”  She knew they couldn’t take care of two households!  She knew I only had them to turn to for help.  Also, she knew firsthand how my decision was going to impact my home.  And she didn’t want that for me.  That sh!t was oblivious to me, you hear me?  I was so caught up in my emotions and feelings that there wasn’t anything in the world that was going to stop me from making the most illogical decision I’ve ever made in my life.  Furthermore, in hindsight, I realize GOD had to show me.  I told yall my grandma said things to me like “you starting to smell yourself.”   Well something else she also said to me was, “oh, you don’t believe sh!t stink until you smell it.”  I’m one of those.  Well let me correct that.  I used to be one of those.  I believe it stinks now grandma.  As a matter of fact, I know it stinks grandma.  I can smell  sh!t from miles away now grandma.

Have you ever been humbled by GOD?  So, I had my meeting with Principal Randall (Dr. Perry).  Everything that I brought to her attention, about doing what she asked of me as a professional and all that I was successfully accomplishing as a professional, leading those boys at Furman, she agreed with.  She only asked me one question.  She asked, “where do we go from here?”  She attempted to give me an out.  All I had to say was, “can we start over Ms. Randall (Dr. Perry)?  I’ll take the classes and do all that’s expected of me to be considered a highly qualified educator to best serve these young men and this community.”  That’s what I would say today.  But yall know what my dumbass said then, “where do we go from here?”  First, let’s get this straight, I answered a grown woman question, with a question.  The nerve of me.  But I told yall I was gone.  I had drunk several pitchers of my own kool aid.  My kool aid must’ve been laced. I was gawn, you hear me.  Ms. Randall (Dr. Perry) said to me, “Cornell (she called me by my first name), you have a family to take care of”!  This was personal for her.  I waved my hands like “I don’t want to hear that.”  Now I ain’t stupid enough, nor disrespectful enough to say that to a woman I have the utmost respect for.  But my body language yelled it.  “I’m resigning,” I said.  It was right at that moment when GOD said, “I got him from here.”

Have you ever been humbled by GOD?  I submitted my resignation, but she refused to accept it.  However, the writing was on the wall.  As a matter of fact, days after I submitted my resignation, with my tail tucked so far between my legs, after the adrenaline of my irrational emotions wore off, and my mortgage was due, I calmly and politely asked, “Ms. Randall (Dr. Perry), can I have my resignation back please?”  Can I please have it back?  I don’t know what got into me.  When June came and it was time to renew contracts for the following school year, I was the last person left in the office.  Everyone was leaving with smiles on their faces, planning to meet up for wings and drinks before departing for summer break.  I was sitting alone in the office, damn near with tears in my eyes, hoping she had forgotten what I said way back in the wintertime.  Yall see how I tried to say, “way back in the wintertime”?  Trying to make it seem longer than what it was.  Boy that was a few months ago, and she ain’t forget.  This is how our meeting went.  “Welp, Mr. Dews, this won’t be a long meeting because you made your decision back in February.”  Damn.

Have you ever been humbled by GOD?  The next 10 years of my life, GOD beat me up, so bad.  I couldn’t find my way back.  I was tethering along the way.  I suffered financially, emotionally, and spiritually.  What I didn’t take into consideration when I made the ill-fated decision to resign from stability, was everything that my mother and even my Principal tried to forewarn me about, “your family will also suffer.”  I became isolated and recluse, a shell of myself.  My entrepreneurial dreams didn’t materialize.  And every opportunity created from the work I was doing at Furman, before I became self-centered with the work I was doing at Furman, evaporated.  I was literally shellshocked.  I wasn’t going to church.  I stopped fellowshipping.  I was angry and I was mad, all the time.  Oftentimes, my anger was misdirected.  And the people who love me, and those I love, received the brunt of my discontent. I was sad.  Until one day, after years of disappointment after disappointment, I dropped to my knees and just cried out to GOD, “why GOD, why GOD, please GOD, stop GOD”!  At that moment, I received a blessing, and I began to recognize some healing that started to take place in my life.  Ten years later. 

I went back to speak to Ms. Randall (Dr. Perry), who was still the Principal at Furman L Templeton at the time.  She sat with me as I offered her an apology.  I said, “Ms. Randall (Dr. Perry), I owe you an apology.”  She asked, “what do you think you owe me an apology for”?  I said, “I apologize for the way I left.”  She said, “nah, you don’t owe me an apology.  You owe yourself an apology.  You owe your family an apology.”  She continued, “you thought this wouldn’t work without you.  You forgot that you were a servant.”  I cried as she spoke to me.  Because I recognized then that I did forget that I was a servant, doing the work that GOD had called me to do.  Serving my community as an Educator, a mentor, a role model, a teacher, a surrogate dad, a big brother, etc.  All roles that require a selfless attitude and approach to doing the work.  I had forgotten and made it about me.  That’s when GOD said, “let me humble my son before he becomes so consumed with himself that he’ll be useless to the people I’ve commissioned him to serve.”  So today, you’ll hear me randomly say, all day throughout the day, “GOD willing” because I know it’s all up to HIM.  And the other catchphrase that you’ll hear me profess throughout my entire day, whenever I receive a compliment, I quickly say, “it’s by the grace of GOD.”  Today, I clearly understand that I ain’t done nothing, but what HE has allowed me to do.  To GOD be the glory. 

So, when you see me smiling, know that I have reason to smile.  And my reason is GOD.  My reason is JESUS.  I’ve been humbled by GOD.  I’ve learned my lesson, as it pertains to that lesson to be learned.  It’s not about you Cornell.  It’s never been about you Cornell.  Even when people credit you Cornell, please make sure the true orchestrator of all things, JESUS CHRIST, get the credit HE deserves.  Thank you LORD.  Thank you SAVIOR.  Thank you HOLY SPIRIT.

The purpose of this editorial is to use my personal testimony as encouragement and possibly comfort to someone else.  If anything, that I’ve said about selfishness, and self-centeredness resonates with you, make the intentional decision to humble yourself yourself and change your ways.  Because I promise you, if GOD must intervene and place his hands on you to get your attention, my GOD, I’m just going to start praying for you now.  I’ve been humbled by GOD.