“I F*cked Up“
Let’s start from the beginning.
Where you take accountability.
Where you hold yourself responsible, Dad.
Don’t blame my mother for her faults and shortcomings.
Please do not, yet again, say, “She’s the reason why I…”
Instead, just take accountability.
Just say,
“I f*cked up.”
Your honest acknowledgment of the mistakes you made—and how those decisions impacted me—could potentially untrap both of us.
I’ve struggled throughout the years trying to understand why you left me.
And when I say “left me,” I mean left me.
In your physical absence…
Your emotional absence…
Your financial absence…
You left me to fend for myself.
I became a “man” without having the example of the man I was truly supposed to become.
Because you weren’t there.
So, Dad…
No excuses.
Just admit it.
You f*cked up.
You f*cked up.
That’s hard to say, I’m sure.
Difficult to acknowledge.
But do you think it’s harder than what your absence meant to my life?
Do you think it’s harder than feeling abandoned by the man who helped create me?
Do you think it’s harder than carrying the burden of being the “man of the house” as a child because the man of the house was gone?
Just say it.
“I f*cked up.”
I don’t know why…
The relationship between you and Mom didn’t work out.
I don’t know why…
Your father left you, making you feel abandoned as a child, too.
I don’t know why…
You didn’t know how to raise a child, although you were engaging in activities that could produce one.
I just know that, for whatever reason…
You f*cked up.
And because of it…
I’m f*cked up.
Thank you for reading TheDewsPerspective